When I heard that Dog The Bounty Hunter was coming to Denver last week, I starting hanging out in all the places I thought he might show up… Tanning salons, The Cigarette store, any place that sells Ed Hardy or Z. Cavaricci jeans, assorted pawn stores and bail bond huts ( that’s what they’re called right?) Apparently, I left out the all important political rally for right wing freak Tom Tancredo at the Gun show.. of course… if only I had thought my plan through more carefully..Anywaytobringmedown, Dog had injured his leg while kicking in a door to apprehend a suspect ( obvs) right before he flew off to Denver and NEAR DEATH! Clearly he didn’t attend to his health and flew off to Denver to cavort with gun wielding republicans.. big mistake Dog. Next thing you know he’s in the Hospital with a life threatening blood clot! Quick thinking doctors saved his life! Luckily, Dogs beautiful wife, Beth will continue to have the smell of peroxide, stale cigarette smoke and sun dried skin for all eternity.. ( you know they will die together and then rule heaven, or perhaps a heaven outlet mall… )
Yes.. this is Dog & Beth ruling the Heaven Outlet mall
When I first read the headline “Bride has her dress stolen 45 minutes before the ceremony”.. I thought, jealous ex girlfriend.. What could be more perfect!? Your ex boyfriend announces he’s getting married to that bitchwhoreslut that yanked him out from under you ( literally) and you’ve got a decision to make. Either hire a plane to fly over their wedding and dump a load of that orange dust they drop on forest fires OR pray to god the bride to be leaves her wedding dress UNATTENDED in a PUBLIC restroom and then grab it and run! Unfortunately for you,. the real story isn’t as exciting. Some poor family of 8 ( just a guess on my part) snatched it and was probably going to sell it for this months rent on their fleabag Colfax motel room. On a delightful side note ~ I also figured. “meh”…. they’re probably from Mayberry or some other miniature town where everyone is honest and helpful. nope.. San Francisco!
I think if the bride would have chosen this delightful dress, they might have had an easier time finding it!
If I’m ever arrested, we can talk about how full on hideous my mugshot will be.. until that time we have this delightful Denver resident! He’s a vigilante vegan! He set fire to a sheepskin store, a restaurant that serves goose liver, and Gasp! A Tandy Leather store! Tandy Leather! How can day camps around the globe continue to replenish their leather cords for the constant demand of beaded key chains and out of date ( unless you count Britney Spears) leather chokers!?