Alert the authorities! There’s been a MURDER!!

Either I’m turning into Jessica Fletcher or the rest of the free world is turning a blind eye to an obvious and despicable act! ZSA ZSA Gabor has been done away with by her nutbird of a husband, the gayest self proclaimed Prince ever ( well, except for Prince, who isn’t gay but rivals Little Richard in flamboyancy) Anyway.. wait, where was I? Oh yes! Frederic Prinz Von Anhalt, the blood sucking leech of a “husband” to Zsa Zsa, has done away with her! Okay, yes, she’s ailing and frail and super old, but listen to this and make up your own mind.

Anhalt threw an elaborate 95th birthday party for Zsa Zsa, but she wasn’t there. Supposedly, she was “behind closed doors”, which is a country song AND a disgrace to the birthday girl. This just in from the SHAM of a party:

Frederic Prinz von Anhalt emerged from a white door into the foyer of the old-fashioned Bel-Air mansion that he shares with his wife of 25 years, former glamour queen Zsa Zsa Gabor.

The self-proclaimed German prince held a chocolate birthday cake he said was a gift from celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck. Smoke from the expunged candles jabbed into the small cake was still drifting in the air.

But Gabor was nowhere to be seen — apparently celebrating her 95th birthday behind closed doors on the chilly Monday evening. Von Anhalt presented the cake to his bedridden beloved out of sight from the partygoers who had gathered for the occasion. He paraded it around the room as he greets his guests.

In the dining room, there was a towering white cake for guests topped with strawberries and decorated with hearts and the letters “ZZ” on each tier. Over on another table was a framed letter that read: “The Consulate General of Hungary in Los Angeles sincerely congratulates Zsa Zsa Gabor on the occasion of her 95th birthday. We wish you many more years!”

Nancy Drew! Hardy Boys! Robert Downey Jr.!  Surely I can’t be the only one who see’s whats going on here? Fine. Mark this date down on your calendar, because when the “News” of Zsa Zsa’s death comes out, the Coroner is gonna have to backdate the death certificate to the beginning of February.